Grief and Loss Impact Chronic Pain Management
I’ve seen many people living with chronic pain and/or disability get stuck in various stages of a grieving process and it intensified their levels of pain. I know this was also true for me in my early chronic pain recovery journey. There were times I became very depressed and felt hopeless that I could ever have a good quality of life again. Today I’m actually grateful for the initial injury that started me on a very exciting journey. In fact, if it wasn’t for that injury I wouldn’t be writing this Blog.
I believe that to develop an effective pain management plan one of the most difficult and crucial, emotional issues that must be resolved is the grief and loss of your health and/or prior level of functioning. Obtaining support to work through a painful grieving process improves your chances of a successful treatment outcome with chronic pain. I’ve listed the Kubler-Ross stages of grief below and after that I’ll share what I believe is the necessary final stage for someone living with chronic pain and/or disability. It’s important to remember that these stages don’t necessarily happen in the order listed and some people go in and out of the stages until they finally get through them.
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why me? It’s not fair.”
Bargaining: “Just let me find a better way to live.”
Depression: “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”
Acceptance: “I know it’s going to be OK.”
Although it is crucial to get to the “it’s going to be OK” stage, I believe we have to get to another level where we can honestly say to ourselves “My life is now better than ever—yes it’s different—but I like my quality of life now.” It took me over two years to get to that point in my own grieving process and I needed help from a great therapist to guide me through the process. I call this final stage Reintegration.
I’ve seen some people get stuck in one or more of these stages and it makes their lives miserable—as well as negatively impacting those they love. I’ve seen some people in so much denial and/or the bargaining stage about their limitations that they used massive amounts of medication to keep functioning at a super high level; until they crashed. I’ve seen others become so depressed they contemplate suicide—and a few people I’ve know have even killed themselves. Others became so angry and bitter that they drove their loved ones right out of their lives.
If you want to learn more about various aspects of chronic pain management please check out our website at www.addiction-free.com. You can check out our Ariticles page where you can download free articles or go to our Publications page to learn about my Addiction-Free Pain Management® books.
May 3rd, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Thanks for your helpful comments about the grief process for chronic pain and disability. I like very much your final stage: Reintegration. As a therapist I have certainly known people who have made it to this stage–it is a deeper level of acceptance perhaps in a spiritual context. The thing about physical illness is that it does force a response, and the hoped-for choice is to let the illness help you grow. “Normal health” is something so easy to take for granted when it is present. As you say, it is easy to get stuck in denial, anger, and depression. Thanks for your example of hope and reminder that emotional healing can help when physical healing is not completely possible.
May 29th, 2010 at 9:56 am
Nice post. I like your blog.