Those of us living with chronic pain face obstacles most people will never be confronted with. Some conditions severely limit our level of physical functioning; living with constant pain can also negatively impact our thinking and emotional management ability.

What is often not discussed is the impact on family members and significant others who have to bear witness to a friend or loved one living with chronic pain. I’ve seen many families disrupted and marriages end due to mismanaged or poorly managed chronic pain conditions. Sometimes family members and significant others develop their own healthcare problems while trying to help someone they love cope with chronic pain.

Family and significant others often get burned out, or they become frustrated and resentful towards the person living with chronic pain. A spouse can become just as hopeless and helpless as their family member suffering with pain and may even develop a severe depression or sleep problem.

When an individual with chronic pain also develops an addiction problem, family and friends are even more negatively impacted than is the case with any other alcohol or other drug addiction that occurs in a family system. I often refer significant others to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon (12-Step support groups for family and friends of alcoholics or addicts) as they need as much support, if not more, as the person with the addiction.

For those of you who don’t have a personal experience of living with chronic pain I want to ask you to follow the steps below to see if you can develop a better understanding of what it is like to live with chronic pain.

Step One: Think back to a time when you hurt yourself or had a painful condition such as a surgery, toothache or headache.

Step Two: Try to remember what that felt like and what you wanted to do to stop the pain.

Step Three: Now imagine that you have that level of pain right now and have had it for the past six months without any relief.  Every day when you woke up it was there.  Every night you wonder if you’ll be able to sleep because the pain is so disturbing.

Step Four: Now imagine trying to explain this to your family and friends or your healthcare provider.  What would you say?  What would you want from them?

What can friends and family realistically do if a loved one is undergoing chronic pain management, experiencing significant quality of life problems and a decreased level of functioning? The most important thing is to understand what it must be like; if you answered the four questions above you will have a much better idea. Here are six additional starting points.

1.  Make sure that you are practicing good self-care; take time to relax, sleep, play, eat healthy, etc.

2.  Develop compassion and even empathy for your significant other—but never sympathy as that can cause even more problems. Remember the old saying “Sympathy Kills” that is often heard at Al-Anon meetings.

3.  Do NOT do things for your significant other that they can and should be doing for themselves.

4.  Don’t keep secrets from your significant other. This is especially true concerning medication use or abuse issues.

5.  Remember the three (3) Cs of Al-Anon: You didn’t CAUSE it, you can’t CONTROL it, and you can’t CURE it.

6.  Seek out a professional with experience in pain and addiction for you and your family.

Lack of a support system is only one obstacle that impacts chronic pain management. To learn about overcoming obstacles please check out my article Unnecessary Obstacles in Chronic Pain Managaement is a Right and a Responsibility that you can download for free on our Article page.

You can learn about the Addiction-Free Pain Management® System at our website www.addiction-free.com. If you or someone you love is living with chronic pain and seems to be suffering; please consider my book Freedom from Suffering: A Journey of Hope. This book was written for people living with chronic pain who are ready to learn and then put into practice seven strategic steps that will help them better manage their chronic pain condition, improve their quality of life, end suffering, and achieve their cherished goals. To purchase my Freedom from Suffering bookplease Click Here.

To read the latest issue of Chronic Pain Solutions Newsletter please click here. If you want to sign up for the newsletter, please click here and input your name and email address. You will then recieve an autoresponse email that you need to reply to in order to finalize enrollment.

I have been living with chronic pain for almost three decades at the time I’m writing this blog. I can remember the early years when I suffered with my pain and believe me I never want to return to those bleak and horrible times when my pain controlled, and consumed, my entire life. I can honestly say I have not suffered from my pain for over twenty-eight years now and I can do this because I practice in my own life what I teach to others.

I now consider the pain I live with on a daily basis as a friend. Maintaining a positive relationship with my pain has enabled me to write this book. I offer my experience and my optimism to those who might be feeling hopeless and lost because of their current relationship with pain.

I’ve discovered that whenever we are experiencing pain, it’s always helpful to ask: “What is my pain trying to tell me?” Remember, the function of pain is to tell us that something is wrong, that we better find out what it is and find a way to fix it.

To understand the language of pain, we must learn to understand how pain echoes and reverberates between the physical, psychological, and social dimensions of the human condition. Pain is truly a total human experience that affects all aspects of human functioning.

When it comes to managing your pain, knowledge is power. Once you know what is really going on with your body and mind, you can take action to effectively manage it. In fact, you must embrace pain as your friend and stop believing it’s your enemy. This is easier said than done and many of my patients have looked at me like I’m crazy when I tell them that they must make peace with their pain. They often tell me it’s hard to accept, but nevertheless it’s true. These are the three primary directions that I found crucial to stop my suffering.

1.  Stop Believing Pain Is My Enemy!

2.  Make Peace With My Pain!

3.  Start Embracing Pain As My Friend!

Not only have I been working as a therapist and trainer in the field of chronic pain and coexisting problems for more almost three decades, I have also been living with my own chronic pain condition during that time. I still have periodic episodes of pain flare ups where I need to put into practice all that I’ve learned. Like everyone living with a chronic pain condition some days are better than others, but even on the bad days, one thing is certain – pain does not control my life.

Making peace with my pain was something I had to resolve for myself early on in my own chronic pain management journey. I always ask the patients I work with and the clinicians I train to consider this question – are you willing to make peace with your pain or do you want to continue to suffer? In essence what I’m asking them is: are you willing to do what is necessary to make pain your friend and move on with your life? As you can imagine and maybe you’re thinking this yourself, they believe I’ve lost my mind and have told me so in no uncertain terms! Nevertheless the question opened the door for a deeper level of healing to begin.

To learn more about this topic please check out my new article Effective Chronic Pain Managaement is a Right and a Responsibility that you can download for free on our Article page.

You can learn about the Addiction-Free Pain Management® System at our website www.addiction-free.com. If you or someone you love is living with chronic pain and seems to be suffering; please consider my book Freedom from Suffering: A Journey of Hope. This book was written for people living with chronic pain who are ready to learn and then put into practice seven strategic steps that will help them better manage their chronic pain condition, improve their quality of life, end suffering, and achieve their cherished goals. To purchase my Freedom from Suffering bookplease Click Here.

To read the latest issue of Chronic Pain Solutions Newsletter please click here. If you want to sign up for the newsletter, please click here and input your name and email address. You will then recieve an autoresponse email that you need to reply to in order to finalize enrollment.

One important suggestion for anyone living with chronic pain is to stop making pain your enemy; it’s time to make friends with your pain. This can be a challenging, but believe me, it’s crucial that you make peace with your pain and stop fighting it—pain is a part of who we are so we’re really just fighting ourselves. When you make peace with your pain, you’ll be able to create a life worth living filled with meaning and satisfaction.

When I talk to patients about living with chronic pain, they often share how much they suffer with it.  I also hear statements such as “I have a bad knee” or “this stupid pain is killing me.” These types of statements make clear that this person has not made peace with their pain and is in fact at war with it. Unfortunately, this is an internal war — one that cannot be won through fighting. This person is really just fighting with their self and suffering as a result.

Because pain is often seen as the enemy, people seeking pain relief want a quick fix. As a society we’ve been trained by the medical and pharmaceutical industries to expect one. What we have forgotten is that human beings need pain to survive. Pain is the signal that says something is wrong, and as human beings we want to know why this is happening to us. But when it’s not possible to pinpoint where pain is coming from, the solution is often symptom management through medication.

Unfortunately when medication alone does not eliminate the pain or improve the lifestyle losses people are experiencing, the result is usually irrational thinking and uncomfortable emotions—in other words, suffering. The anticipation of an expected level of pain can actually influence the degree to which someone experiences pain and in many cases suffering.

Achieving freedom from suffering in chronic pain management is possible if people are willing to stop being passive recipients of treatment and become proactive in their healing process. I have seen many of my patients come back from severe hopelessness and helplessness to become high functioning and enjoying a much improved quality of life. Most importantly they report they no longer see pain as their enemy and are not suffering anymore. They are past just surviving—they are thriving.

Moving from surviving to thriving is one of the five stuck points I believe people undergoing chronic pain management need to overcome in order to achieve freedom from suffering.  To learn about these five stuck points please check out my article Effective Chronic Pain Managaement is a Right and a Responsibility that you can download for free on our Article page.

You can learn about the Addiction-Free Pain Management® System at our website www.addiction-free.com. If you or someone you love is living with chronic pain and seems to be suffering; please consider my book Freedom from Suffering: A Journey of Hope. This book was written for people living with chronic pain who are ready to learn and then put into practice seven strategic steps that will help them better manage their chronic pain condition, improve their quality of life, end suffering, and achieve their cherished goals. To purchase my Freedom from Suffering bookplease Click Here.

To read the latest issue of Chronic Pain Solutions Newsletter please click here. If you want to sign up for the newsletter, please click here and input your name and email address. You will then recieve an autoresponse email that you need to reply to in order to finalize enrollment.